• Paris Bean

Seriously, someone bring some milk!

With difficulties feeding Brenden, he is constantly dropping percentiles in weight at the pediatrician going from 30th percentile to the 10th percentile. I am honestly feeling lost. Shortly after coming home from the NICU we got all settled in with a good schedule, averaging a doctors appointment a day but sometimes two or three. Unfortunately I had to make the hard decision to stop pumping for Brenden. Between all of the different doctor appointments and extra care that Brenden needs I was unable to pump on a regular basis or any sort of schedule. I kept getting mastitis which is very painful and physically / emotionally draining.

The milk that I did pump for those two months in the NICU was amazing and easy! I sat all day with Brenden by his bed while nurses and drs came in and out, three hours went by in what felt like five minutes. The only thing I had to do other then change his diaper was pump It made me feel strong, powerful, magical and not so helpless! But at the end of the day didn’t have enough calories in it, so I was encouraged to add formula to my milk anyway... Which brought on a whole entire set of different emotions including feeling lost, like a failure, not good enough & just down. Three days after I stopped pumping I began to feel alive and like myself again, Three weeks after I stopped pumping I started to feel guilty and selfish. Today I have accepted all of my feelings and the fact I stopped pumping to be the best me I can, so Brenden can have the mom he needs 24/7. During the day Brenden normally eats 114ML (a little over 4OZ) over an hour, every three hours five times during the day. He has been throwing up at least half of each feeding if not more. We have tried six different formulas ranging from regular cows milk, sensitive gas, plant based & goats milk... So far is isn’t tolerating anything new we have tried. Right now Brenden is back to 95ML (a little over 3OZ) over an hour with a fifth-teen minute pause at the half hour mark. He is trying a new goats milk formula we found right now, we are hoping for the best and looking for a regular milk donor. UPDATES TO COME <3 If anyone else is also in Florida seeking Human Milk 4 Human Babies check out their facebook page!